Me: Aletheia, what are you doing with all your animals?

Aletheia: They’re getting on the party train.

Me: Oh, where is the party train going?

Aletheia: Las Vegas.

Me: 😳

Aletheia: Is anything faster than light?

Me: Not that we’re aware of.‬

Aletheia: But what if something was faster than light?

‪Me: Then we’d have to reconsider ‬everything we know about the universe.

Aletheia: Well, that would be fun.

Aletheia (very excitedly): Daddy, daddy! My dress doesn’t itch anymore!

Me: That’s great! The itchy went away?

Aletheia: No, the itchy is still there but I’m learning to live with it.

Today’s horror show: Aletheia wakes up with a fever, eats blackberries, then proceeds to vomit. If I ever needed to know what a blood spewing 4-year old demon looks like, now I know.

Aletheia: Are you going to work tonight?

Me: No, I’m going to sleep. Sleep is important.

Aletheia: But work is important, too.

It’s like she knows my inner monologue!

Aletheia: “There’s no more blooooood. There’s only dried bloooood.” (sung to the tune of “We Are the World”)

And that was bath-time this evening.

Aletheia: The adults don’t like it when I say “oh my god Becky look at her butt.”

Me: Yes, they do. They just don’t admit it.

Me: What’s that all over your shirt?

Aletheia: Blood. But it’s all mine.

 

[Playing hide and seek with Aletheia’s toys]

Aletheia: Daddy, I can’t find it.

Me: Well, you’ll just have to keep looking.

Aletheia [with head cocked to side and hands on hips]: Daddy, did you put the toy somewhere you’re not supposed to put it?

Aletheia: Daddy, are you going to work tonight?

(Aletheia likes it when I work late because I usually sit at my desk which is located outside her bedroom. So now she is basically “you-should-be-writing” shaming me.)